Beginning the Descent

Dope. Excellent. Emotional negligence. Outrageous to an exaggerated extent. If you would be so discontent engaging with this... irrelevance.. I will relive you of your duties. Futile attempts to smooth my wrinkled edges. Press flat the worry lines etched into the contours of my heart. It's not that I cannot remember who you are; but I cannot forget what men will become when all the edges have blurred, and the lines have crossed themselves, and at the end of that stifling tunnel there are only answers that must be wrenched from the corners in the pooling darkness. And only questions that must be pounded deep into the core until the reverberation echoes with acknowledgment.
I am alone, as I have always been. Alone again to writhe and moan as the aching buried deep within this filthy shells attempts, again, to rise. And I rejoice in my solitude as I retch out globules of purple-black disdain and smatter walls with the pieces of this lump in my throat. You will not see when Sorrow climbs atop to press its weight upon me and fill my nose and lungs with his stink. Fill me with this reeking. Leave me be. All the other animals know not to get too close to me.
But you. Why do you? so foolishly. I hurt everyone I let try to get close to me. One of us is blind, or perhaps each only one eye to see. I can't just live as if there weren't these ghosts in me. I try to hide it but when I can't here comes the questioning. Then the gesturing. Correcting me. All to the same end. Here I go, alone again.
Here is how I know it's meant to be: all the times I fucked shit up, or got confused, or said the wrong thing, went the wrong way, said some of the stupidest shit you've heard to date, tripped or slipped up to make you look at me and all that I've fucked up and just sigh and turn away. I'm a failure. This is your chance to escape.